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the third date and our talk -- 2003-06-04 Oh good lord, she is beautiful. Last night D. and I went a long drive, up to Cape Spear to see the icebergs. The cold air, the waves crashing over the ice, it was a romantic setting. We talked for hours. We drove then to Signal Hill, and then to Bowring Park, where we talked about us, about our mutual attraction, how much we have in common, how much we value sensibility and intelligence. And we grew closer while talking, speaking honest truths and fears, doubts and concerns. There are quite a few if we start a relationship, age being a big concern. She's 46, I'm 26. But the attraction, the things in common, the trust that we are building. It's so hard to ignore that because of a stupid number like age. The other concern is how much she has been hurt in the past, how much I have been hurt in the past. She is afraid of hurting me, and although I didn't vocalise it per say, I am afraid of the same thing. We have both been burned. But as I said to her, relationships are about taking risks. And it was a road I wanted to take. She was reassured, and she took my hand. And if I could only describe what my hand felt like in hers, our fingers wrapped around each other, I would. It was indescribable. After talking some more we grew a bit closer, and in that dark parking lot, she leaned in to kiss me. After talking about her fears, she seemed much better. She doesn't want to get hurt, I understand that. That kiss grew into more kisses, and they were so tender, passionate, beautiful, my tummy drops to my toes when I think on it. I returned those kisses with my own on her lips, cheeks, forehead. I put my arm around her waist and just held her. I would never hurt her. I don't want her to start a relationship thinking that she could get hurt by me. Every relationship is a risk. But I would never hurt her intentionally. We kissed and held each other and there was an intensity of emotion that I haven't felt in a long time. I know that this woman is special, I can feel it in my heart. I have fears too. I have doubts too. I reassured D. a lot last night, but I want her to realize that I'm not immune to them either. I went to bed last night after she dropped me off, and tossed and turned. Thinking over and over about what I made her promise me, that she would tell me if it ever got too complicated, too hard, too scary. She promised and made me promise as well. All night I dreamt that she would have her mind changed by morning. I woke up with the phone, and it was D. She said she just wanted to call to hear my voice. I told her that I was glad she called, and then she told me that she woke up grinning ear to ear, and feeling 26 not near 46. I was so glad to hear that! Then she had to go to finish an article, but promised to pick me up tonight so we could see each other before she leaves to go to Toronto for business. She won't be returning until Sunday, and she said she wished she wasn't going. I sort of agree, this weekend would be good to spend some time together, but it will also be good to have the time to think separately, to make sure this is what we want to do. I have to tell you though, she is special. And I am so excited about spending time with her...
Norway trip - 2004-07-08 |
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