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what they think -- 2003-05-19 The Ottawa Senators have to win tonight's game, and the two after that to beat the Devils. I don't feel good about these odds. Been very moody the past two days. Mom and Dad got back from Ottawa last night, so of course I have residual anger about that, and them not helping me out when I really needed it. Still, their argument (and I mostly agree) is that they provide a roof over my head, and I am to provide the rest. I just wish "providing the rest" was easier than this. I am going to Chapters/Starbucks tonight for a little queer get-together. I know this will sound weird to some people, but I honestly prefer hanging out with gay people sometimes, because I can just be myself and I don't have to listen to one more person talk about their fucking wedding, baby shower, PTA meeting or anything else. I cherish the times when we go to coffee and just talk. And it might not be wonderful conversation, but I can go home knowing that I'm not perverse for wanting a life with a woman. I am sick of just pretending that I am single. I should come out to the entire world and forget about it. I think I will get it tattooed on my arm. Lesbian. When I was in Calgary I was in a tattoo parlour, with the japanese symbol meaning lesbian drawn on a piece of paper I held in my hand. It was actually very pretty. I was going to get it on the small of my back, or on my upper arm, but I chickened out. My life is very pathetic. Fuck the establishment. I should have gotten the tattoo, despite my fear, and trying to figure out whether or not I would tell people what the symbol stood for. Yes it's all been said before, and I may sound whiny and trite. I don't care. I just want to get a girlfriend, and bring her to all the summer (straight) weddings I'm invited to. And have the guts to be perverse in my own way, without worrying what "someone may think". My all-time biggest fear.
Norway trip - 2004-07-08 |
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