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pondering -- 2003-04-20 Feeling restless, lonely, and just a little pathetic. It's Saturday night and I'm sitting at home at the computer. I didn't get one phone call to go out, and I didn't phone anyone. I talked to a few people on the net, and I suppose I could have asked someone to go play pool or have a drink, but I just didn't. I asked Marje to pick me up from work and then we could go watch the hockey game, but she said "no" cause she didn't want to miss the first period. Jesus. Fine, I didn't want to hang out anyway. I can't believe a hockey period rated higher than me. Fuck sakes. So that pissed me off then, and I just went home and went to bed for an hour. So I watched the games by myself, and then watched "The Birdcage". I love Nathan Lane. And I think Robin Williams did a really good portrayal of "a middle-aged fag" (his words). I want a girlfriend. I want to watch movies like this together, and have a few beers and fall clumsily into bed. I want to laugh and joke around. I don't want to be a spinster! What if I never find anyone? What if I'm like this when I'm thirty? Forty? Christ. Why do I have to be a minority? Why aren't there more lesbians? Why does it have to be so hard to meet people of my intellect, values and persuasion? Who I'm actually attracted to? Am I too picky? Am I destined to be single?
Norway trip - 2004-07-08 |
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