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No day but today -- 2003-02-03 Can't report that I've done much these past few days, except cry and watch the rain take a cut into the snow. Now we only have three feet of snow in front of our house. ha ha ha. There is nothing to say. I know my depression is back. I am sick of not getting interviews, or even calls, for jobs that I apply for. I apply for jobs every day. Newfoundland is hardly a hotbed for employment. But I can't move out back to Ottawa (where all my possessions are, in storage, by the way) because I can't even afford to go back. I'm in hell. Even contemplating going back to do yet *another* program - maybe a legal exec assistant? Definitely not my Ph.D. Of course I can't afford to do any of those programs so this discussion inside my tormented brain is moot. I am not taking the risk of doing a Ph. D. without the guarantee of a job. Forget it. I'm this depressed after an M.A. - can you imagine how awful it would be if I went through the work of a Ph.D. and couldn't get a job? Imagine living with roommates that drive you nuts. Then imagine multiplying that by ten. That is what it is like to live with your family when you have already lived on your own. Multiply it by ten again and that is what it is like for me. Every hour is agony, and every day I wake up and say "shit". Another day like today. I hate myself.
Norway trip - 2004-07-08 |
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