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lost and delirious -- 2003-01-23 I am so fucked up. Repeat after me. FUCKED UP. Last night Marnie came over for dinner and a movie. We curled up on my brother's bed (a single), where the dvd player and fabulous tv is, and proceeded to cuddle while watching "Lost and Delirious", a beautiful Canadian movie about two prep school girls who fall in love. We later put in Melissa Etheridge's "Live and Alone". She played with my hair, I propped her up against my shoulder (she was coughing, she's been sick). We held hands, and drew on each others backs (n.b. - ever do that when you were a kid, write letters on your friend's back, and she had to figure out what you were saying?) The conversation in letters - you can imagine it took a long time: S: Do you like Melissa? M: Melissa is hot! S: I agree. M: I like her pants! (Cuddling, and touching). S: Are we getting closer? M: In essence, yes. S: That's pretty vague. (Spoken not written) M: I know. What about in the woods? (n.b. - On a walk in the woods Marnie asked me if we were going to go on that date, and I said that I thought we should just be friends. My doubts spoke there. I still feel enormous attraction to her). S: I was protecting myself. M: Maybe we don't know our heads from our asses. Both: laughter (Back to writing) S: You are hot! M: You smell great. More cuddling. Her head on my shoulder, switching positions, my head on her thigh. More pretending not to notice that our hands found reasons to touch all night. Now, confused more than ever. How can I sleep with an ex one week, and now be hot for Marnie again? When I know she's wrong for me? Too much experience. Too many animals. Probably no future for a relationship. My ex doesn't want a relationship but deserves one. Doesn't deserve me sleeping with her while I figure myself out. Would never complain. The attraction is there, but not fireworks. Comfortable. Fucked up. P.S. I created a quiz! Try it out if you'd like! Which RENT character are you?
Norway trip - 2004-07-08 |
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