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melancholy thoughts -- 2002-11-04 ...and I already miss her. Karmen and I ended our relationship last night. I was so frustrated, she said she would try harder, and then a message left on my machine saying she wouldn't be coming into Calgary this weekend or next. That she didn't know when she would have time to see me, how busy she was, everything she had to do. Only a repeat of last time, the craziness of Ghislaine. It reminded me too much of before. I've been wondering how long I could hang on for a while now, and I knew I was coming to the end of my rope. I want to see her if I'm going to be in a relationship. I want to go on dates, see movies, go on walks, cuddle. Not be scheduled in for an hour after her eye appointment but before she goes to a practice. It's too painful, building a relationship on two dates. Constantly trying trying trying. Why can't it ever be easy? And so we talked, and told the truth. It wasn't working for either of us. I hate trying to schedule and she hates feeling guilty. She has no time. Fact of life. At least it was mutual. The potential was there though, for a good relationship, and I think that is what hurts the most. And now I'm filled with the i'll-be-single-forever feelings. How many more failed relationships will there be? What if I never find my soulmate?
Norway trip - 2004-07-08 |
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